AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
