he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
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