I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
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