Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
