So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
