And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
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