Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Randomize
