You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
