my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
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