Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
you traded sex for a burrito?
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
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