HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
