Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
Randomize
