My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
Randomize
