Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
