he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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