Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
I have already put on my inside pants.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Randomize
