just won 30 on black! Ok adicteddd! Never coming back gqmbeqing is easy.
now my debit card is betting 1k whoops. im gongk eh be rich!!!
whoops didnt work. think the gambeli mashine is busters!! now im betting 2k?! bad idea?
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
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