I got chris browned last night
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
