Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Randomize
