why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Randomize
