Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
