I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
