Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
We are all done wearing pants today
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
