Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
a search helicopter?!
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
