I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
Randomize
