Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
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