worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Randomize
