Your dad touched me again.
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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