It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
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