I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
