alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
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