I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
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