your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
