I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Randomize
