just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Randomize
