If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
two words: eviction party
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
You left your underwear on the fireplace
I feel like death gave me a hand job
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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