I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
