Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Randomize
