Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
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