Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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