i think my mom watched the whole time
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
