Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
Randomize
