Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
