So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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