just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
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