ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
Randomize
