I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
