I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
