I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
it wasn't lemon gatorade
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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