So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
Church boner. Awkwardddd
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Randomize
