He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
Randomize
