Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
