the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
