How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Randomize
